Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
