They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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