Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
