dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
