apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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