"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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