I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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