What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
