you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
