i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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