I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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