I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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