Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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