you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
