Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
