dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
