the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
