I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
