I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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