I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
