Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
