WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
