my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
