Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
