Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
