I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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