ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
