I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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