Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
