Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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