roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
