Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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