Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
