best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
