I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
