I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
