I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
