ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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