I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
