There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
