have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
