If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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