I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
