It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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