You're earring is so big in my mouth
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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