shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
