I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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