hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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