I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
