"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
