i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
