Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
