Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
