you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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