what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
4 words: hood of his car
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
